He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
