Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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