every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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