Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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