My brain says no but my pants say off.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
