You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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