He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
