It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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