Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
