I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
