you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
