her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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