My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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