You work out of a Hotel?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
