I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
