The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
3 2 1 whiskey
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
