I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
