Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
