It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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