What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My dick has a subreddit
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
