The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just gift wrapped bread.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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