i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Actions speak louder than pants.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
