We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
