There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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