I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
