sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
