Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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