So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
