it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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