my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
