it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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