My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
