The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
