I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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