Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
