Duck Duck Cougar?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
