Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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