i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
