So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
