I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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