my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
