You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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