was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
