You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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