We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
