on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
