I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
