a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
