you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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