i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
