One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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