he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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