Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The feeling are messing with the penis
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
