i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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